They Take One Step Forward... I Take One Step Back

The friends I grew up with are all either graduated from college with their Bachelor's Degrees, married and having babies, or buying their own houses. I'm back at home, just now getting back to school to earn my Associates Degree and definitely not getting married... considering I just lost the guy I've been with for forever.

But listen to this... him and I have talked for the past 2 weeks, going on 3. The only contact I've had during this time was a text message that said "I want to be alone." A text message that of course made me the happiest girl in the world.

NOT!

I was a crying maniac!!! Who does that?! A one-liner... through a text message?! I can't get over how fucking crazy that is... Hmph.

Then after trying to get back to the daily grind and get back to just being me... trying to learn and take baby steps towards being that independent woman everyone thinks I am... he sends me a message. One of my former best friends who is now semi-related to Ex had a baby today. I grew up with her and have known her since I was 8. As of 3 years ago or so, when Ex and I broke up, her brother married Ex's sister. Great, huh? So of course Ex's sister said terrible things of me and my former best friend was now her best friend... Awesome.

Anyway, so the former BFF had her bebe. Ex sent me a picture. And again... I couldn't help but feel lonely, angry and just mad at the world.

I mean, I understand I did wrong... when I was 19. Would I do it again? NO! NEVER! Not after feeling so disgusted and seeing Ex so heartbroken. Some people say "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Stupid fools. Things change and like me... you learn and you work hard to prove your love in the end... It just sucks that one silly mistake can ruin everything. For that... I'm sorry...

But I don't know. I'm just bitter. You have a house. She has a husband. They have a baby. I have... shit.

It's so sad.

On the plus side, I was asked out on a date. I said no. But it was still kind of a good feeling to know I still have some hint of attractiveness.

So now... I'll get back to watching my bootleg movie online and sipping my wine.